Music From Another Room

Untitled... Prologue

2010-01-10T21:14:00.000-06:00

The dark had long descended over the quaint Bradshaw house and the owners had long retired to their bed. One, however, a Mrs. Cecelia Bradshaw tossed and turned, her aging limbs seeming to resist the thought of sleep although her eye lids fell temptingly heavy over her eyes. So when the first noise sounded she jolted from her half sleep, a sense of fear traveling through her blue veins, winding its way to her heart.

She looked around the shadowy room and out into the hallway. Nothing seemed to be amiss so she lied back down next to her husband and let her eyes begin to close. It was the creaking of an old house, she told herself. It happens all the time, she reasoned.

And then it happened again, the pounding reverberating through the halls.

No, that was definitely not an old house sound.

“Robert, did you hear that?” Cecelia whispered to the man lying beside her. He snorted and turned his back to her.

“Robert,” Her tone was pleading now as she nudged at his shoulder.

“Did I hear what?” He grumbled, only wanting to get back to sleep.

“That bang bang-bang.” She attempted to imitate the sound.

“Cece, please, this an old house and I’m an old man who needs his sleep. I didn’t hear a thing.” He sighed and fluffed his pillow before sinking back into it.

The silence between the aging husband and wife stretched through the dark for moments that could have been minutes or possibly seconds, Cecelia couldn’t tell but as just as her eyes threatened to close once more the sound echoed through the halls to their small bedroom, more urgent sounding than either of the times before.

“Robert,” she urged once more. Cecelia was a woman who followed her gut and right now that pounding sound was turning her stomach into a knot, and that knot was telling her something was wrong.

Robert Bradshaw sat up in his bed, listening intently; he wasn’t going to deny that he had heard it the last time, and the sound left a cold feeling creeping through his bones. Cecelia followed him as he stumbled through the black hallways, switching on every light they passed; she held an old baseball bat gripped in her frail hands. They both jumped as the beating sound began again, the front door shaking from the force causing the noise.

As they reached the end of the hallway the harsh sound stopped at once but was followed by a single hollow sounding thud.

The two shared confused and slightly fearful glances before Robert reached for the doorknob.

“Step back, Cecelia,” her husband’s voice was so sharp. He had never used that tone before, never, and frankly, it scared her. She took two steps back, gripping the baseball bat so tight her knuckles turned ghostly white. Robert turned to his wife once more and took a deep breath. Quicker than she had thought possible for her grey-haired spouse, he threw the front door open.

Immediately the two were struck dumb. There in the shadows just outside the door a body swayed, moonlight warred with the lights from the house, causing only part of the body to show, and that part alone was gruesome enough to nearly give the two elderly a pair of matching heart attacks. Mud caked feet led to crisscrossed slashes marring thin legs; blood seemed to trickle from everywhere.

Cecelia and Robert stood there for seconds cleverly disguised as minutes staring at the young girl. She took one swaying step out of the shadows and into the house, revealing even more unsightly incisions and bruises. The bruises were like beautiful splashes of paint on her ivory skinned face that clashed with the blood of a wound hidden on her hairline. Her hair was matted with soil and blood.

Her eyes, glazed with fear, traveled over the plump woman and the scrawny, balding man before following their gazes to her own body. Rivulets of scarlet blood traveled down her legs and arms, landing on the snow-white carpet.

“I-I’m s-sorry—“ Just as the final syllable escaped her lips, her legs gave out and her body crumpled into the old man’s shaking arms.

New Beginnings

2009-12-14T22:54:00.001-06:00

I'm not going to paste my entire short story on here because the format always gets screwed up but here is the link to this story i wrote the other day.
It might not seem like it at first but it's about being brave enough to accept the things you cannot change and to change the things you can.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Destinee/487309/

also, the writing style is a lot "braver" i suppose you could say with the words i use.

keep in mind please, that i was writing this for a school assignment and was supposed to keep it to 6 pages at the maximum. That proved to be impossible so i splurged for 9 (oh, the bravery!)
it's still not how i imagined it because i had to cut it so short but oh well. one day i will return to it.

Elsewhere

2009-12-04T23:30:00.001-06:00

Don’t worry your pretty little head, little one

Daddy’s gone elsewhere tonight

You don’t have to worry about the

Look he gets in his eyes

When he’s had too much to drink

And when the liquor just wasn’t enough

To declaw the demon in his mind.

Don’t lose any sleep, little one,

Daddy’s gone elsewhere again tonight

And he’s taken his brown bottle with him

To the place where we wish he wouldn’t leave.

When he’s elsewhere we are safe

And when he’s elsewhere we’re okay

That is why we must leave.

Don’t be scared, little one.

We’re going elsewhere tonight.

So pack your bags and get dressed.

We’re leaving for the next train leaving town.

Don’t waste your time looking over your shoulder

He’s not here, he doesn’t know,

He’s gone elsewhere.

Where is elsewhere you ask?

Elsewhere is anywhere but here.

Elsewhere can be our safe haven

Elsewhere can be our hell on earth.

Elsewhere…

Safe Haven…

Hell.

We’ll find out when we get there.

I'll Sing (Sestina)

2009-12-04T23:29:00.002-06:00

When you left, you took my breath with you

The longest hour and a lifetime away from home.

And now my lungs are tired and as dry as stone.

So I sit silent and alone, rocking the ruins of my heart to sleep.

From their shining diamond mouths like tears they sing,

And it is the most heart wrenching song you’ll ever hear.

If by chance the melody followed the air so you could hear

You wouldn’t care; the sound of death wouldn’t even phase you.

Apathy has sewn your mouth closed, never again will you sing

Never again will you’re heart allow yourself to call another home.

All you’ll know is loneliness, when you wake, when you sleep

You’ll be alone, you and your heart of stone.

Do you remember, when I would wake to the tapping of a stone

On my bedroom window? That was before you refused to hear

The world out; that was before you’d crawl in bed and sleep

Blocking out the cries and laughs that make up the world around you.

When the moon was stretching over the sky you’d find me at home

And together, in perfect harmony with the earth, we would sing.

But now you refuse to listen, you refuse to sing.

The world is too much for you; you think it’s only as cold as stone.

You don’t understand the precious balance upon which we find our home.

Negative, ugly things, that made your heart hurt was all you could hear.

So you gave up, shut yourself up, and refused to let anyone near you.

That is why your dreams are painted in pain and anguish when you sleep.

I tried to calm your dreams, to let you breathe easy in sleep

But you denied my deepest attempts, refused to listen to me sing.

And that is why when you left, even though my heart broke, I let you.

You became unreachable in your self-imposed silence, as stubborn as stone.

That is when my heart began to cry out the song you wouldn’t hear

The song that begged you to find yourself back in my arms, at home.

For the sake of my heart I wish you would come home

No matter how long I rock the broken pieces it can’t— it won’t sleep

In time I’ll learn another way to reason with it so it will hear

I’ll tell it you’re not the only reason to live, there are many other songs to sing.

Already my lungs are learning to breathe again, resurrecting from stone.

So, one day my heart will be whole, my lungs alive, and they will forget you.

I’ll find myself at home, and I’ll sing.

And while you sleep on your bed of stone,

You will weep as you hear me breathe without you.

Siren's Sonnet

2009-12-04T23:29:00.000-06:00

There is a song that the siren sings

That dulls the pain and clouds the mind

Young sailors don’t yet know what evil it brings

Or that they’re about to leave their entire life behind.

The melody crawls along the waves to their waiting ship

To catch any unlucky man on deck alone

They don’t realize its claws seizing their heart in its cold grip,

Pulling them into the fog, into the dark unknown.

When their body washes up onto the sandy shore

She’ll fall to her knees and wail to the sea’s ebb and flow

They’re not the one she was calling to, the one she sung for

They’re not her lover lost to the dark waters so long ago

Their cold, colorless corpse mocks her suffering, her every sigh

And once again her soul tears open and begins the deadly cry.

-------

A different version of Siren Song.

Someone Knows

2009-12-04T23:28:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had a secret?

The kind of secret you’re always thinking about?

The kind that keep you up at night as it

Gnaws on your cerebrum like some disgruntled lapdog?

The kind that keep you from staring too long into people’s eyes

Cause you’re afraid they’ll see it deep down in your corneas?

If you say no, we’ll know you’re lying.

Everyone has had a secret and

Everyone’s scared that someone knows.

I know, it's a bit different from what i usually write...

Me?

2009-12-04T23:27:00.002-06:00

I’m not perfect, you’ll soon figure that out

I’m human, a potential pillar of salt, like Lot’s wife

I worry about what might happen next

And wonder “what if” as I get older

My mind must think it’s training for a marathon

Because in all my years it’s never stopped running

Paranoia slips in and out of my thoughts

And Melancholy has found itself a home

When you talk to me and I don’t answer

My eyes are focused on something else

And my thoughts are too.

Some call it being spacey- a regular astronaut

Some call it being ditzy- your dumb blonde stereotype.

I call it being lost in your own thoughts

Having so much to think about

That each train of thought fights for your attention

Until it’s like a battlefield, bloody brain waves strewn about.

So like I said, I’m not perfect,

A galaxy or two away perhaps,

If I’m lucky.

we were supposed to write something about "personal identity", only, everything i wrote was waaaay too personal. So this is what i turned in. I'm not happy with it. At all.

Fire Dancers

2009-12-04T23:25:00.002-06:00

Deep in the jungle

In a dance as old as time—

They soar over fires.

Sound of Silence

2009-12-04T23:24:00.002-06:00

Sound

Faint, Thunderous

Buzzing, Singing, Speaking

Wail, Shriek, Peace, Tranquility

Muting, Smothering, Deafening

Stony, Soft

Silence

Silver Screens

2009-11-21T10:25:00.000-06:00

Silver screens and technological spawn

Hundreds of choices but good nothing on

And yet you’re all up watching until dawn.

Eyes glued to that damned lighted square

Pants stitched to your favorite chair

Lost in a trance, a half-crazed stare.

It’s more addictive than crack cocaine.

It’s rotting what is left of your brain,

But do I here any of you complain?

The Perfect Weapon

2009-11-21T10:18:00.000-06:00

It looks sharp and exact,

A snow-white dagger

The perfect weapon.

Press your finger to the edge

You’ll expect a rivulet of blood

To ruin the stark perfection

But it bends under the pressure,

Caresses your skin like a dream.

Satin slivers held together tightly

By an unseen thread of whispers.

You can feel the murmurs course

Under your skin, leaving a little piece

Of the unimaginable places it’s been.

It hums of the oceans, and sings of the tides

It pulls you through deserts of white-silver sand

Scorches you with the fire of the sun

And soothes you with the brush of twilight.

If it softly kisses your sleeping eyelids

Then you’ve felt a piece of heaven

An angel’s feather fallen from the skies

Anxiety is My Song and Dance

2009-11-21T10:11:00.000-06:00

The room is a carousel

Spinning round and round in my mind

Air rushes into my lungs— too much too fast

And I’m lost in the familiar song and dance.

The voices are raging in a thunderous backbeat,

Culminating into one ominous roar.

It’s deafening it’s unbearable

It reverberates into my veins as

Blood rushes through the body

And darkens the mind, inflaming my sight.

The room is a violent shade of suffocating red

And my breath is quickening

My body is convulsing

My mind is racing

But not one sideways glance notices

The ferocious spirit taking me over

Everyone is lost in their own song and dance.

A Fated Darkness

2009-11-21T10:07:00.000-06:00

It’s a war of worlds between the heavens and earth

As wind rips at the trees ruthlessly tearing them apart

Up from the roots they fly through the angry blue-black sky

And land in a gnarled defeated mess on the quaking ground

Rain falls in never-ending torrents, sheet music for a soulless dirge

Lightning shoots across the vast expanse, a warning from Zeus

Today is the day we call to the deep azure raging above us

To hear our cries and ready promises of reform

But each desperate plea is to no avail;

They have decided our fate.

Darkness.

Write On It A Tune

2009-11-19T19:42:00.001-06:00

I’ll make you a paper airplane
To lift you from the depths of pain,
To wrench your soul from the frozen grips
Of the tundra that frosted your heart and lips.

I’ll sing you songs to calm your dreams
To lay you down next to rippling streams,
To banish the shadows that lie in your mind
And fill them with a love bright and undefined.

I’ll carve you a sea’s shell of stone
To carry the sea’s secrets to you alone
To make you see that you’re not the only one
Whose seams of life are coming undone

I’ll paint you a second moon in the sky
To reflect every child’s laugh and broken cry
To remind you that you need the dark to value light
And guide you through your most wearisome plight

I will take that paper and write on it the tune
To teach the shell to sing and serenade the moon
That moon controls the tides of effervescent blue
That I trust to bring me across this sea and back to you

Sequoias (2)

2009-11-14T21:36:00.000-06:00

Remember when you took me to see the Sequoias,
And when you told me you could tell how old it was
By counting the myriad of spirals twining through its heart,
You said our love would live that long—never would we part.
You said our love would put the ancient Sequoias to shame
Like the mighty redwood it would grow wild and never tame.
We stood at opposite ends and stretched our arms around
Until our hands clasped and we were once again love bound.

Time has passed; the Sequoias continue to grow tall and free.
But all I can think of is how we might as well plant our own tree
In the space growing between us, isolating you from me.

Had to turn it into a couplet for LOGOS.

Flame and Dreams

2009-10-17T23:49:00.001-05:00

Leaves the color of flame and dreams
Mimic the carefree laughter of our children
But when our backs are turned and the sun fades
Their impersonations turn to incantations
That whisper through our minds
As we walk the streets as dark as sin.

As we walk the streets as dark as sin
Wayward spirits wander over our graves.
As they trail their razor sharp nails as cold as ice
Down the valleys of our stiff spines they beseech us
Hurry home darlings and whatever you do pay no heed
To the leaves the color of flame and dreams

Blame It On the Rain

2009-10-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

I blame it on the rain
It makes my skin come alive
It makes my tongue loose
And my eyes wander

You blame it on the rain
It makes your mind go blank
It makes your anger flair
And your fists hunger

We blame it on the rain
These things we’ve done
Because it’s the only way
We can love one another

Why Do You Wear A Mask?

2009-10-16T16:30:00.002-05:00

We wear masks of onyx and sapphire
To hide the shadowed moons under our eyes
But they can’t hide the bruises marring our skin
Over arms and legs emaciated by time and lies

They judge us even as their masks slip to reveal
What they truly are— something much more vindictive
Voices of satin weave the sweetest symphony of death and destruction
Hearts of ice cover their lies make them all the more addictive

Behind our veils of impervious truth our blackened gaze
Springs forth tears of diamonds for all those caught
In their snare of fixation and deceit that refuses to release
Their souls of lead and sand that are forever more good for naught

And so we wear the masks of onyx and sapphires
That hide the shadowed moons under our eyes
To protect us from this world that turns our wings
To dust and ignores our soul shattering cries

Belly of the Beast

2009-09-26T23:08:00.002-05:00

I am
Sick of this pain
And of this cyclical sorrow.

I am
Sick of the unfamiliar voices with no faces.
And of this hospital room, stark and lifeless.

But most of all I am sick of this beeping machine
rising and falling like a monster's
razor sharp teeth, chewing my soul to pieces.

As I watch the bright strand rise and fall
I wonder what will happen when the teeth still,
When they transpire to nothing but a thin line.

Would I fall from the mouth
into the belly of the beast?

The Siren's Song

2009-09-24T17:03:00.006-05:00

Do you hear the lover’s cries
from rose petals parted and trembling?
The bittersweet tears as they run into the ocean,
Become a heart-wrenching melody that crawls
Along the waves to where your ship lies,
Waiting for nothing, yet waiting nonetheless.
It calls to you.
It entrances you.
It’s claws sink into your chest,
Seizing your heart in its cold grip,
Pulling you into the fog,
Into the unknown.

And as your body washes up onto the shore,
She screams in outrage; wails in despair.
You are not the one she sung for,
You are not her lover lost to the waters so long ago.
Your cold colorless body mocks her anguish.
Sinking to her knees, her hands graze the pristine sand.
And once again
Her soul tears open.
The deadly melody, pale and soft,
Whispers of death and a love lost
Against her blue lips, as cold as the corpse.
The Siren’s song.

Necessary Lies (A Memoir)

2009-09-19T16:36:00.001-05:00

Three long, lonely years had passed from the time my mother had stowed my brother and me away into our old minivan and trekked through six states to separate us from the destructive life my father had chosen to live. Three years for a young girl to pine for her absent father. Three years for hopes rise so high that the slightest hitch might plummet those hopes 20,000 leagues under the sea.

It was three years before my mother finally allowed my brother and me to visit our family in North Carolina. From the moment we moved we had begged her to let us see our father but every time we did she would turn our cries down and refuse to explain why.

I had to pinch myself. Was I dreaming? I was to spend three blessed weeks of summer at the home where I grew up; nothing could possibly be any more perfect.

And yet, now as I look back, out of the three weeks only a single day has been imprinted in my mind.

I had been home for only a few days when I found myself searching innocently for my father; we were supposed to be digging for bait worms in the ditch behind our house for fishing the next day but my father had suddenly disappeared. I looked everywhere outside for him but to no avail. Inside I went, hoping to find him quickly so that I could continue on with my competition for who could find the most worms with my brother. As I stood in the kitchen wondering where to look I noticed that the bedroom door to my father’s room was open slightly, so I walked right in.
Immediately, the sweet, familiar scent that would fill the hallways of our apartment back in Minnesota floated up to my nose making me catch my breath.

Upon hearing my gasp, my father whirled around from his perch on the side of his bed. In my peripheral vision I watched as something small and white rolled onto the floor a foot away from him.

I felt my father’s eyes on me as I stepped further into the room, closer to him. When he perceived that my gaze wasn’t directed at him but at the small neatly rolled joint lying on the carpet he bent to grab it. Only, I was quicker.
With a mixture of revulsion and anger, I held out the tiny forbidden object. Having a drug counselor as a mother assured the repeated horror stories of drug abuse.

“Hey, baby,” my father finally greeted me, “why don’t you hand me that and go back outside. I’ll be right there in a moment.”

“Dad,” my eyes seemed to show something of what I was feeling even though I couldn’t form the words in my mouth. My hand burned to crush the fragile smoke.

“Alright, I see that my girl is a lot smarter than I took her for.” He sighed and patted the quilt next to him, “Have a seat and we can talk.”

He was quiet for a minute. After I sat down, his lips pursed as if preparing himself for what he was about to say.

“You are definitely your mother’s daughter. You know that isn’t a regular cigarette, don’t you?” I was the silent one now as I simply nodded, preparing myself for what I already knew he was going to say. I listened whole-heartedly as he told me calmly that he was smoking pot and he had been smoking pot since he was a young teenager. I wasn’t interested in that. I was only interested in why. I wanted to hear why he was doing something I knew of as wrong. When that didn’t come, my emotions grew even more tumultuous.

However, years of hiding my broken emotions resulting from the ugly divorce my parents went through kept my face dutifully tranquil even though my raging emotions threatened to drown me.

He smiled at me as he took the joint from my tiny fist, told me to go look after my brother and that he would be right out. I was making my way to the door when this man who I had idolized just minutes ago said something so unsuspecting I nearly lost my composure.

“Destinee, you know you can’t tell your mamma about this, right? If you did you know she wouldn’t let you come see me anymore, right?”

I turned around slowly, my gaze on the floor as I nodded wordlessly.
He wanted me to keep something like this from my mother.
He wanted me to lie if necessary.

Anger pushed at what little reserve I had left. I tried to tell myself as I wandered back to my brother that he was only saying that because it was true. My mother would definitely not let us come back down to visit if she knew my father was smoking pot, which I found out later was a definite deal breaker in their agreement for any kind of visitation. Of course he didn’t want me to tell my mother, he wanted to be able to see us. It had nothing to do with the fact that he might get in even more trouble by being exposed. No, I told myself, it wasn’t that.

I was never good at telling lies. When I was younger, I was never good at keeping secrets that were so monumental (not that I had many). The guilt began to wash over me in livid waves as I sat at the ditch and attempted to distract myself from thoughts of the ugly truth by digging furiously into the ground to find as many squirming worms as I could.

That night my brother and I ambled into the house caring three small buckets of soil and the slimy insects, my brother happily claiming that we would be able to catch all of the fish in the river with all the bait we had. I, on the other hand, was emotionally and physically exhausted and couldn’t bring myself to act so ecstatic.

“What’s wrong bud?” My father asked after noticing my indifference.

“I think I’m getting sick,” I said truthfully; my stomach was beginning to reel.

“Oh no, you better get to bed then, so you feel well enough to go fishing tomorrow.” I didn’t wait for him to tell me twice before hugging him once and going off to my room. Sleep refused to come though. All I could think of was the mysterious reasons my mother had for leaving my father and wonder how deeply they were rooted in what I found out hours ago.

I didn’t go fishing with my father the next morning or the next time they went.
I held on to the secret, though.

In the short years following my brother and I would go back to visit him twice, and still I gripped that secret so close to myself it was a part of me. I held onto it longer than I had any idea that I could. However, I did end up telling my mother years later after my brother had been given the same speech by my father and spilled his guts. We didn’t visit him again after that, although, he did come to Minnesota once afterwards.

Just a few weeks ago—nearly 11 years after my family’s departure from all that I believed was stable in my life; 8 years after the miserly reunion with my father—he called me on my birthday to tell me that he was planning on quitting smoking both pot and cigarettes on my birthday and that he would work on quitting drinking alcohol later. He set his quit date on my birthday to remind him of what was “important” in life, he said.

I should feel elation or perhaps pride, and yet all I can find in the cauldron of fitting emotions in pure cynicism. Don’t get me wrong; I want nothing more than for my father to get clean and work for a more stable future. However, I can’t help but ask myself where was this commitment when he lost our house, his car, and countless jobs? Where was this reformation when my mother gave him the ultimatum: quit or lose her and the kids? Where was this when it truly mattered, when what he wanted was still within his reach?

It was that first trip back that marked the turning point of my adulation to my resentment—neither of the emotions healthy—and yet in writing the event down, expressing my emotions of the time, I feel as if I have also marked a new turning point. This one, I hope, will result in the transition from resentment to acceptance and perhaps one day, healing.

Arachnophobia

2009-09-04T21:47:00.001-05:00

A true story for LOGOS class.

Night had descended over the city and as my family retired to their rooms, I was doing just the opposite. Shutting my bedroom door, I headed for the living room couch, a safe haven when the little monsters weren’t around. As I flipped on the TV, the bright shining light danced across the floor. Just as I propped my feet up on the coffee table I watched, in a trance, as my worst nightmare came to life in front of me. Eight hairy legs supporting an enormous body sped into the mirrored light of the TV. I opened my mouth in a scream, jumping up from my seat. I ran around searching madly for a weapon—or any shoe that wasn’t my own. Grabbing my mother’s boot, I crept into the living room, my heart beating wildly, to find that the repulsive creature hadn’t moved. Not wanting to get any closer, I stopped a couple of feet away and launched the shoe at the monster, only to miss by a dismal three inches.
Once again I tossed the boot, this time gaining contact but not killing it. By now, the massive arachnid began attempting to escape. My nerves were doing an Irish jig under my skin at the thought of having to actually get close to the creature but I forced myself to take hold of the shoe once more.
This time, I settled for a much more practical approach. So, I hacked at the eight-legged freak with my makeshift bludgeon.
When I decided the thing was dead enough I stood up, pride exuding from my stance. I had defeated the beast.
Then, as I realized one crucial detail, my face fell. I was now left with the question of what to do with what was left of the killing.
If only my cat had a craving for spider guts.

He Won't Leave Me

2009-09-04T21:45:00.001-05:00

Another short story for LOGOS class,

“What do you mean?” I breathed; my voice was raspy from withheld tears and desperation. We’ve been through this time after heart wrenching time and the words I know he will utter are imprinted forever in my mind.
“I never want to see you again.” The cold words struck immediately, hitting just as hard as the first time, a bolt of lightning shooting through my flesh and bone to my soul. I watched as he turned and walked past as if he hadn’t just incinerated my very being. The flood raging behind the dam of my eyelids threatened to run over and I found that I had neither the strength nor the desire to hold it back any longer. I felt the bitter, salty tears slide down my face, slowly extinguishing the inferno in my chest.
Innumerable sobs wracked my body and when I finally opened my eyes I found that I was staring at a black screen, credits rolling by quickly.
“What are you doing?” I jumped at the sudden question, blinking furiously when the blinding lights snapped on.
I rushed to wipe away all traces of dampness from my cheeks, which were burning a bright crimson now that I had been caught.
“I don’t understand why you even watch that movie; all it does is make you cry.” My mother walked into the room, her tone a mixture of amusement and mild curiosity.
“I don’t know, I guess I keep hoping that just once he won’t leave her.” My voice cracks, a lit match striking the tinder of my heart, “A happy ending.”
She looks at me and sees through the façade, hears the words that I truly mean, the words I cannot bring myself to give life to. Without hesitating, she wraps her arms around my huddled form and readies herself to wait out the long storm ahead.
Because, she knows, as any woman knows, tears may not heal a broken heart, but they ease the soul.

"Scents" Of Appreciation

2009-09-04T16:55:00.003-05:00

A descriptive language thing for LOGOS class.

“I had a great time, Jane,” John whispered as he slowly took a step closer to me.
It was then that it hit me. That putrid odor I had dismissed in the car was coming from him, or more precisely, his mouth, which, I nearly gagged as I noted, was moving closer to me at an alarming rate. Hot breath washed over my face, crawling over my skin and tickling my nose. The stench seemed to cloud around my face, an invisible villain attacking my senses. It took all the strength and determination not to faint from the noxious gas that would make a decomposing corpse smell like roses.
My mind raced. What should I do? What should I say?
What the heck did he eat? On second thought, I didn’t want to know the answer to that last question.
Thankfully, just as I was about to be smothered to death by his horrid breath, the swinging open of a door and a gruff voice broke through the malodorous haze fogging my mind.
“Jane, it’s past curfew. You should be inside by now.”
Oh, how heavenly that sounded at the moment-- not that I would ever tell my father that.
“Hey, Dad," tension elongated every syllable. I quickly stepped as far away from John as possible, taking in a deep breath of wonderfully untainted oxygen in the process.
"I had a great time, John.” I awkwardly dodged his attempts at a hug and made my way to the door, sending my father a beatific grin as I past him in the doorway. My smile had nothing to do with the supposedly “great” time I had and everything to do with my new sense of appreciation for fresh air.

Lonely Hands

2009-08-15T20:00:00.001-05:00

Come, love, see my hands,
See how lonely they look
Without yours intertwined.

I tried filling the gaps with
Flowers, baubles and things,
But they couldn’t survive the
Snowstorms of my mind.

The Funniest Joke

2009-08-10T03:24:00.006-05:00

I’ve got the world on my shoulders
But your eyes are my two moons holding me steady.
My poor mortal soul couldn’t hold all of my love for you
So, I threw it out to the skies.

This way, if you ever doubt the words I say
You can look to the stars, which not only burn for you,
But burn because of you.
And I know sometimes I may feel like I’m light years away

Or seem preoccupied with the inner workings of secret galaxies
Just remember my love for you is always shining,
Shining so brightly you may never be able to imagine.
And even when daylight hides the night sky for hours

Or a wayward cloud obscures my testimonial for you,
Just know that in some part of the world,
However insignificant that part may seem,
My love is a muse for many.

Someday when I’m old, when my shoulders are quivering
From the long seized weight of the world,
I’ll be known as the man who loved so greatly
He had to create something otherworldly to contain it.

And one day, thousands of years from that someday,
I’ll run across a young man whose back is straight and unhindered.
He’ll look at me and he’ll say, “Hey man, aren’t you the guy
who crowded outer space with millions of burning balls of gas?”

And I may laugh—albeit, a bit hysterically—because, of course
This world where a fiction written of a one-time lovers’ suicide
Can live forever in the hearts of many but a story as true
and as complete as ours would be reduced to balls of gas.

I’ll tell him, in all seriousness,
“No man, it was burning balls of love.”
And he’ll walk away chuckling as if I had told him the funniest joke.
But one day, he might look into some girl’s eyes to find two moons.

And, if he's lucky, maybe he’ll feel a thousandth of what I feel for you.

It's interesting what comes to you in the dead of night.

2009-07-25T17:14:00.004-05:00

Heart of stone
Soul of sand
Sinking to my stomach
Slipping through your hand

Times of the Sun

2009-07-10T10:20:00.003-05:00

The clock’s delicate melody
Seems to be at odds with the
Heavy hammering of my heart
How can something so mechanical
Aim to control our lives so entirely?
But I suppose it is us who give it power.
It is our pure mortal aim for control
For restrictions, for organization,
That gives it purpose.
If I had the choice
If my life wasn’t in it’s death grip already
I would toss that ticking damnation
Out of the window. Good riddance.
And plunge myself into the world
When life’s only timer was the
Rising and setting of the Great Sun.

Survivor (acrostic)

2009-07-04T02:21:00.002-05:00

Surprising strength in one so small, you were
Unwilling to give up on life
Refusing to succumb to another’s will
Vying for one more chance to live and
I will always remember the
Vibrancy of your smile even to that last moment.
Oh, my love, I will never forget what you told me that final day,
Remember to live and love, and you will truly survive.

Dying Candle image by Harshad Sharma on Flickr

Vacation (acrostic)

2009-07-04T01:59:00.003-05:00

Vacant playgrounds with nothing but
April showers and weeping flowers
Carry a sense of suspense.
And in May when it rains diamonds
The earth knows what every child knows.
It’s the subliminal message felt in the very marrow
Of your bones, and albeit temporary, this sense of freedom
Never tasted so sweet.

photo titled "Summer Skin" by red_head_shan on Flickr

Fadeaway

2009-06-20T15:22:00.008-05:00

Fading away into the night
An unknown emotion pulses
Dark and beautiful in your soul
Even though you hide it I know you’re just
Another lonely star in search of the one
Worth shining for, and
Although you were meant for someone else
You will never fade from my heart

Sky image by *Peace-of-Art

A Vision

2009-06-20T14:32:00.003-05:00

A vision in the final cadences of moonlight
You stand there, eyes closed to the world around you
Ears unhearing of the words dancing through the air
Mouth locked shut for fear of the imprisoned scream's release
Scars left bare adorn treacherously beautiful skin

A vision in the caress of amorous sunlight
Your eyes open slowly ready to meet the world around you
Ears tentatively willing to listen to the laughter as well as cries
Mouth unlocked to sing a song of sorrow reincarnated as love
And from these scars, new wings shall grow

picture: rhogrock on Photobucket

Beauty

2009-06-18T22:53:00.005-05:00

For a moment I believed in myself
I believed that I was beautiful
And, for some unknown reason,
The world believed it too.
Then I woke up.

When beauty is but a dream the nightmare is in waking up.

Silence Is the Loudest Scream

2009-06-18T20:13:00.004-05:00

There is a strange magic
To the words you whisper in the dark.
And your contented sighs in the dead of night
Are becoming the lullaby I can’t get to sleep without.
But now, your side of the bed is growing cold
And the silence is absolutely deafening.

This picture is from .Stellar. of Flickr

Those Long Gone

2009-06-14T18:21:00.002-05:00

What do flowers cry about?
For whom do those petals weep?
They cry for the lost life feeding their beauty.
They weep because such magnificence
Can come from such pain, immeasurable.
But if you are silent and tread with gentle stride
They will sing a song for you, a song of grief and love.
They will whisper, in voices both fragile and strong,
The names of those long gone.

Marionette

2009-06-14T14:42:00.004-05:00

Your lips pull at my heartstrings
And it’s killing me that to you
I’m just a marionette on your shelf
Yours to control at a flick of the wrist.

I trusted you to gently handle these strings
I trusted you to wield these threads with love
But power corrupts and the power you had
Over me corrupted you much too completely.

Ever so slyly I sever these heartstrings
Simultaneously severing my ties to you
Left arm down, right arm down
Head relaxes, body collapses.

A beautiful picture by Rosie Hardy

And I Used to Wonder Why They Stared...

2009-06-10T00:07:00.005-05:00

I don’t keep a journal
I don’t bother with diaries
But if you were to look at me
Just once you might see
Such things are of no use
When every traitorous thought
Is printed on my face.
Every second guess,
Dances across closed eyelids.
Every word I refuse speak
cruelly decorates these lips.
And every belittling name
I call myself finds a home
For all to see.

This breathtaking picture is by Flickr's Hecate-moon.

Soul Mates... sooner or later

2009-06-08T19:42:00.003-05:00

Maybe in our next lifetime,
I'll find you before she does,
Because I feel it in my bones
And deep down in my veins.
We're meant to be more.
We're meant to be.

Thank You, Stranger

2009-06-03T22:33:00.005-05:00

The night’s sky screamed suicide.
And I was its seemingly willing victim.
Two thousand feet up above the city lights
And I finally see why no one wanted to sleep.
It’s a shame I never noticed the beauty until now.
For a moment I raised my hands in protest.
I didn’t want to leave, not when life can be beautiful.
But the wind pushed me closer to the edge.
It whispered in my ear words I always longed for
And I folded into its ghostly caress.
Everything happened so quickly.
Loss of balance. Loss of breath.
Your voice overcame the shrieking wind.
Quick, grab my hand.
Let me save you.
And when your warm hand encompassed mine
I sighed— in relief and also in sadness.
See, you enraged the night.
It wanted me and it wouldn’t let you get in the way.
And it would have me, even if it had to take you too.
So I let you go, even though every fiber of my body
Wanted nothing more than to hold onto you forever.

So, thank you, Stranger,
For showing me that life can be beautiful
Even at the brink of death.

Lay Me Down

2009-05-31T23:46:00.005-05:00

Lay me down, Lover,
Lay me down
In the middle of the road.

And I’ll pray for someone to be in a hurry.

ps. this picture was created by the amazingRosie Hardy of Flickr. You should definitely check out her other pictures they are absolutely stunning.

Common Sense

2009-05-31T23:16:00.001-05:00

It tastes the bitterness in sugar
It hears an insult in a complement
It sees weeds in a bouquet of flowers
It consumes your every sense

You may pop those pretty pills
You may don those dark glasses
You may turn that music up
You may try to disguise the depression

But it won’t cover up the taste of
Acid when you’re choking on apathy

It's Worse Than A Long Distance Relationship

2009-05-28T23:59:00.003-05:00

Remember when
You took me to see the Sequoias.
We stood at opposite ends and s t r e t c h e d.
You said you could tell how old it was
By the number of spirals on the inside.
You said our love would live so long,
It would put that ancient Sequoia to shame.
But all I can think of now is how
We might as well plant our own tree
In the space growing between us.

Everything I Loved, Altered

2009-05-28T21:27:00.003-05:00

I remember her as a loving woman
She smelled of peppermint and silk
Her hair was always perfect
Never a curl out of place.
Her hands were soft and warm
Always there to hold.
But after he died,
And rose to meet the stars face to face,
A part of her died too.
I don’t know where it disappeared to,
But peppermint was soon replaced by
Smoke and liquor.

The Awakening

2009-05-28T16:57:00.001-05:00

You told me it was too late.
You told me I couldn’t change.
Stuck in my old ways, too afraid to try.
But I was hit by a ball of fire.
I was slammed into the wall.
I was pushed in front of the mirror.
Forced to confront the demons
That were staring right at me.
Before, I would run.
Before, I would hide.
But things have changed.
I’ve been awakened.
I’m ready to be the daughter she deserves.
I’m ready to be the friend they deserve.
But mostly, I’m ready to just
BE.

Opposites

2009-05-17T13:05:00.002-05:00

Good and bad; Black and white
Speaking, feeling, hearing, and sight
Two negatives make a positive but
Two wrongs don’t make a right

It’s a Dualistic attack gone out of control,
Me vs. you, light vs. dark, and body vs. soul.
But if we could go back to when life was life, not
the opposite of death, maybe we’d be better off as a whole.

Fire Escape

2009-05-15T21:45:00.004-05:00

The world is being consumed by fires of greed,
Ravaged by flames of red and gold violence
Eating up lives in it’s attempt to cross the globe.
Destroyed by lovers scorned and forgotten morals
Tearing apart families, one secret tryst at a time.
Charred by words of heated discussions,
Burning down bridges faster than they’re built.
The world is quickly becoming engulfed in hate
But I have a way out of this raging inferno,
A ladder at the edge of the world
Where it leads to, I don’t know,
But I can only hope it’s better than this.

If Only Things Had Been Different

2009-05-15T20:26:00.004-05:00

You look at me, I look away,
You stand here, I stand there.
It’s such a lovely little game we play.

A lonely little dance, between us two.

Your smile makes the sun look dark as night.
Even though I know it’s not for me,
I can’t ignore something so beautiful, so bright.

You know, it’s quite cruel, this thing you do.

Yes, I feel a small heart attack on the way.
Don’t worry, I’m getting used to it.
It’s just another piece of my heart breaking away.

Go on, ignore me and go back to her like I'm used to.

You’ll walk off and I’ll say I’m all right
But I won’t be here next time.
I’m going off to find a different light.

I can’t waste my time with a dream that will never come true.

So this game we’re playing, it’s way too cliché.
And I can’t take it anymore, so I’m leaving.
We’re just too different. I’m night, you’re day.

But, had things been different, I would have loved to love you.

Irony or Message in a Bottle

2009-05-09T22:30:00.006-05:00

She’s the beauty of the town
Her smile puts the sun to shame
And I want to bottle her laughter
Not to sell it; just to keep it for myself.
She has the entire town wrapped
So tight around her little finger.
And yet she is forever alone
And that is why I’m sending her this note
of all my love and dreams
In a glass bottle, down the stream.

I’m the freak of the town
Are my strange harlequin eyes to blame?
Is it that I rarely talk, but sing instead?
I’ve given up trying to figure it out.
So I just go on living life in this little town
Pretending not to notice their eyes
On me as I walk home alone .
And when I find bottles in the river
I throw them back and down the stream they go.
illiteracy: one; love life: zero.

Aposiopesis or Who Was It?

2009-05-08T21:43:00.009-05:00

Door already unlocked, already open, waiting for me.
Muffled voices, echoing footsteps, rising anxiety.
Your voice, Where is she? Why isn’t she here?
I don’t know, I don’t know, he screams in fear.
My palms sweat, through my mind every thought races
Why are you here, of all the times, of all the places?
I think you heard me, my thoughts so loud in my head.
I hear you laugh, filling my heart with the deepest dread.
Pulled from my temporary sanctuary, out into the light.
Anger, madness, and sorrow in your eyes, a scary sight.
How could you do it? How could you just pick up and leave?
I just needed to. Then I see it, hidden in your sleeve.
Not hidden anymore, but pointed to my face, then hers.
It’s either him or me. You can’t choose. Your vision blurs.
It’s like when we were young, a game of chance.
The fire in your eyes flashes from me to him, a bloodthirsty dance.
It consumes us all until you can’t take it any more.
A gun fires. A scream. A body falls. Blood on the floor.

The Bride Wore Red

2009-04-28T22:29:00.007-05:00

They were waiting for her on this joyous day.
One at the altar and one in the alleyway.
She had her bags packed for a lifetime of love,
The love-me-like-I’m-leaving love she’s only ever dreamed of.
The decision chewed at her heart as she chewed at her lip.
Silver clenched in her hands, a never-leave-me grip.
She dropped it into the velvet covered box, never to be worn,
That's just how life goes, too many choices that may leave you torn.
Countless sighs and tears, with bridesmaids flitting about.
She’s just nervous: butterfly wings fluttering that refuse to fly out,
But she’s not nervous; she’s running away, refusing to say goodbyes.
As she borrows the old blue Corvette, with a new light in her eyes,
She drives off into the sunset, unaccompanied, unashamed and unwed,
This was the joyous day the bride wore red.

props to pareeerica for the amazing picture.

Palm Reader

2009-04-28T21:25:00.005-05:00

Come.
Over here,
I’ve been waiting.
You called to me from across the grounds
You.
Yes, you,
With that aura.
It shines so bright, like a warning sign in the dark.
See.
I know
What you seek.
I can read it in your eyes, in your face, and in your palms
Here.
Don’t worry,
It won't hurt.
Place your hand in mine and let me understand.
Lines.
They say
So very much.
Your entire future written in a secret language only I know.
Love
Life Death
So many questions.
It’s not written in the stars, but carved in your hand.

Thoughts On Dying

2009-04-28T21:02:00.002-05:00

I’m dying.
Each second, each breath I take,
I draw closer to that infinitesimal moment
Where everything seems so much clearer
Where everything is supposed to make sense
And I’ve come to the conclusion that
Maybe, just maybe,
Dying won’t be so terrible.

The Universal Language

2009-04-19T17:11:00.007-05:00

I just finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and after reading a prompt about language this is what came to mind.
not my best but interesting nonetheless.

I’ll be the Fatima to your Santiago
I’ll stand tall like the women of the desert
I’ll await your homecoming with a light heart
As long as you teach me how to love
With the Universal Language.

I’ll be the Santiago to your Alchemist.
I’ll comb the sands of the desert in pursuit,
I’ll turn myself into the whirling wind
As long as you teach me how to live
With the Universal Language.

I’ll be the moon to your endless desert nights
I’ll say “I love you”, you’ll say “Eu te amo”
I’ll move to the right, you’ll move to the left
As long as we love it won’t matter; we understand
The Universal Language.

One Word^3

2009-04-19T12:14:00.004-05:00

These are three separate poems for the prompt "one word"

One Word

We are born with a limited number of words
They told me as I held you in my arms.
Though it was painfully beautiful,
You had only one.

Key

All hope for a better life without him
Locked away with the hope he would return
And even though there is no shadow on the door,
Not a single thought of her crosses his mind,
The drawer remained locked.

She had swallowed the key.

Keys

You were drunk.
Still, I gave them to you.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
I didn’t know it would be the last.

I’m sorry.

Listen to the Leaves

2009-04-11T01:11:00.006-05:00

I listen to them as they listened to me
They tell me what they want, they tell me what they need.
And when autumn comes with the whispers of winter's wind
They dance through the air to the ground.
But don’t cry over their fate,
They know one day they will grow once again
Just like the phoenix from flames and ashes,
Singing a brand new song.

The Unknown

2009-04-10T23:19:00.003-05:00

They feed in the darkness.
When you think your mind is playing tricks on you,
But you can’t deny the jump your heart makes
or the breath stuck in your throat that is long overdue.

They feed in the darkness.
When you hear the floor creak and the sound of heavy shoes
But pretend you are already fast asleep
And not wondering what it is—or whose

They feed in the darkness
When you’re forced to consider not only the 'maybes' of the present
But also the ‘what-ifs' of the past
And that is when the ghosts start their descent

They feed in the darkness. They feed on fear.
They feed when you're all alone.
And not one soul is safe.
Because, who doesn't fear the unknown?

The Secret of the Flower Vendor

2009-04-07T20:51:00.004-05:00

There’s a girl that sells flowers on the street
At the corner of 3rd and Liberty Drive.
Last week a man walked up to her,
Singing lies of a never ending love,
New dresses of satin and lace to make up
For the moth eaten cloth barely clinging to her waist.
Her eyes, which were always bright and alive
No matter that her blood was freezing in the cold
Winter air, seemed to light up with an otherworldly glow.
She let him escort her to her car, let him open the door,
She let his eyes race down her thin body, devouring every inch of soft skin.

There used to be a girl that sold flowers on the street
At the corner of 3rd and Liberty Drive.
Now there is but a shell of a woman,
A withered rose in each shaking hand,
Pricking her fingers and bringing up blood.
Her moth eaten cloth barely clings to her waist.
Her eyes, hollow and black like the cold winter
Making her bones shiver and shake,
Show the pain of each and every intake of breath.
She had let his hands bruise her skin, imprinting on her very soul
She had let him tell her lies, pull down every wall, diminish her to nothing.

--

If you ask her, she’ll deny it.
No, she has never seen that man.
She didn’t watch him devour her with his gaze.
She didn’t let him tear her apart inside, hollow her out inside.
She didn't believe any of his beautiful lies.
She doesn’t have a secret.
But if you ask her about the roses.
She would tell you how the thorns lied to her with their beauty.
She would tell you how their beauty lied about endless love.
She would tell you how they bled her dry.
She would tell you...

The roses have many secrets

Come On Baby

2009-03-29T14:28:00.002-05:00

And after all these years of being by your side
The first thing that comes to mind is still
“Come on baby, take a bite out of life with me.”

And we joke about it and you tease
But deep down in my old heart I still know
That was the smartest thing I’ve ever said.

Well, we’re still together aren’t we?

Photo Credit: Alex Rath via iStockPhoto

Echoes

2009-03-29T13:47:00.013-05:00

Watch the lighting’s brilliance against the dark ominous sky
Listen to the rolling thunder through the otherwise
       soundless night
Feel the rain over your delicate skin pounding out
      a message from the beyond
These are the echoes of the ancient skies
The same skies that drowned entire cities,
      flooding over lives and leaving shells
The same skies that bring rain to the fields,
      nurturing and urging life to begin

Watch the cloud's whispery fingers spreading out over the vast sky
Listen to the sigh of the wind breathing into your ear the
      secrets it holds dear
Feel the sun's warmth on your face leaving kisses from
      angels of a different world
These are the echoes of the ancient skies
The same skies that created the dancing tempests,
      the gale of home wreckers
The same skies that evaporate the delicate balance of life
      under the watery blue

Watch the lives created and destroyed in a blink of an eye
Listen to the joyous laughter and the screams begging for life
Feel the love and hate fighting for victory in your heart
These are the echoes of the ancient skies

Smoke And Mirrors

2009-03-29T12:16:00.002-05:00

Your smoke and mirrors got the best of me.
I never saw it coming, I never even thought,
That I was included in your magic act.

You levitated lies right over my head
You swept me off my feet and called it love
What a horrible trick that was.

But I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve,
You never saw it coming, you never even thought
That perhaps there is a better magician than you.

It’s your turn to play the fool
So watch, amazed, as I disappear from your life.
Now hold your breath until I reappear.

Love can sometimes be magic
But magic can sometimes be an illusion.
Just like your smoke and mirrors.

Breaking Mirrors

2009-03-28T02:33:00.000-05:00

Looking into the shattered mirror
the cracked shards cutting my face in half.
I'm left a monster
and yet only a fraction of the demon i once was.
Everyone looked to me and saw a paragon,
that smile, aimed to please,
was a mask covering tearstained cheeks and quivering lips
Basking in self-loathing
and hiding behind meaningless excuses
repeating the lies over and over again
never revealing the inner turmoil
choking on life
forced to listen to the apathetic notes
of the violins
most are able to ignore
and although the incessant melody
drowns out my voice
rendering me mute to lamenting
the voices in my head are purged of thought
as they appear on the page
every last wound and pain imprinted in eternity
a glimpse into my distorted world

Calling Spring

2009-03-26T20:42:00.002-05:00

I was born of stars and light.
I walked the cold dark streets.
Snow turned to rain in my wake.
Flowers fell from my pockets.
Trees breathed in the crisp air,
Leaves unfurled, bright and green,
Birds sang a song, welcoming me,
As I walked the dazzling streets.
It’s a song only I know the lyrics to.
They sing it for me, every spring.
Every spring through every summer.
And then, when the trees hold their breath,
When leaves fall and return to their roots,
Birds fly to the stars.
Where we practice our song
For the oncoming spring.
If I cannot fly like these winged melodies
At least I can sing like them
And call the spring to light the dark streets.

She's A Slave to Mother Nature

2009-03-15T21:37:00.003-05:00

She’s dancing through the moonlight swathed in her crimson satin dress
She’s singing praise to each and every soul on the earth, each sturdy rock and tree
She’s sleeping in a field of sunlight breathing on her skin with a single caress.

She’s everywhere and nowhere at once, her life a fusion of emotions
She’s anger like the peaks of volcanoes into their fiery center
She’s calm like the white sand beaches that lead to the deepest oceans

She’s beauteous as rubies are red or as the sky above her is blue
She’s got moons for eyes and the blackest silk for hair but
She’s unbearably lonely with not a single soul to turn to

She may speak the language of life and sing to the birds in the trees
She may listen to the soil cry it’s heart out and calm the whispering grass
But she’s a slave to Mother Nature and Mother Nature is hard to please

One Thousand Drops Of Joy

2009-03-15T20:43:00.003-05:00

Trapped in this supposed paradise
Cloaked forever in darkness
Throat parched from lack of use
I plead for water.
Beg for just a single sip.
You smile handing me the glass
Already knowing I will lose my grip
I fall to my knees
Oh, to live without water
I shall surely die.
Would it not be better to give up,
To end this life robbed of any joy?
As if on cue, the clouds turn ominous
Lightning strikes out at me,
I plead for life.
Beg for just a single day.
You smile again and look to the sky
Water pours down,
Soaking through the arid ground
The glass fills with tears of the sky
Just before a single drop runs over the edge
The rain ceases as quickly as it started
Each sip of water
One thousand drops of joy.

Roses

2009-03-14T18:43:00.002-05:00

They were there lying on my skin when I awoke
Soft dark petals contrasting with alabaster
I dress to cover them so
No one can see my roses,
No one can see the only gifts you’ve given me.

I’ll hold them close until they whither away
But I know you’ll give me new ones.
Thank you, they are so beautiful,
But they hurt,
They hurt so badly.

I’ll accept each one lovingly,
Because with every strike I take
Another blossom blooms.
And these flowers are better
Than nothing at all.

So c'mon baby,
Use me, abuse me,
i'm waiting for my new bouquet.

The End Is Calling

2009-03-12T19:14:00.004-05:00

Before rewrite:

The stars are falling
From the sky
Each twinkle cast down
Each tear from her eye

One after another
They slide down her face
Leaving her with a puddle of tears
And her fallen grace

Tonight the stars are falling
Tonight, the end is calling
Each twinkle cast down from the sky
Each tear sliding down from her eyes
Soon it will be bare
But she'll never care
Because life's not fair

There goes another one
Gone without a fight
The tiny star had no choice
It left, dimmed out of sight

The night twisting the fate for
A goddess out of control.
Rendering her
No longer whole.

Tonight the stars are falling
Tonight, the end is calling
But she doesn't care
Because life's not fair

After Rewrite:

Tonight the stars are falling
Tonight the end is calling
Each twinkle cast down from the sky
Each tear shed from her eye

One after another they slide down her face
Leaving her with a puddle of tears and her fallen grace
If these stars continue to descend her soul will be bare
However, she can't seem to find the energy to care.

There goes another one, gone without a fight
This last tiny star had no choice. It left, dimmed out of sight.
The now starless night screams in rage at the goddess out of control
It does not care that her soul was left exposed, rendering her no longer whole.

Tomorrow there will be no stars left to fall
They are all lying at her feet, too shattered to shine at all.

For The Best

2009-03-06T22:28:00.000-06:00

We sit close under the night sky
Together
And you wish on the single falling
Star
For things to stay exactly as they are
Forever.
So we hold hands and whisper sweet
Nothings
Even though I know I’m just going to
Leave.
They say you cannot run from your
Weakness
But I don’t plan to stop until you’re nothing but
A Memory.
Believe me when I tell you, you may not think this is
Right
Or just
Or “for the best”
But it’s what you need.

The Train Races

2009-03-05T22:12:00.002-06:00

The train races; the smoke rises
The train races; the whistle blows
The train races; the smoke rises
The train races; it calls out to me
Where it is leading, I do not know,
Perhaps into the stars,
Burning forever bright.
Perhaps under the ocean,
Deep as the color of your eyes.
Does it follow a trail of broken hearts?
Or maybe puddles of fallen tears?
The train races
The smoke rises
The whistle blows
And it calls to me
But I turn my back on it.
I’m following your path of footprints.
Where it is leading, I do not know.
But maybe one day I’ll catch up.
And we’ll be together again.

When I Come Back

2009-03-04T19:44:00.003-06:00

I’ve heard often enough
That when we die
We come back different.
So as the cold barrel of this gun
Touches my burning throat.
All I can think is,
Perhaps there is hope
For me after all.

If Walls Could Talk

2009-03-01T22:07:00.001-06:00

If I could talk
If I could tell you everything I’ve seen
I could tell you stories you would never want to believe
No one knows what I have seen with my all-seeing eyes
No one is alive to tell the secrets I’ve overheard

I’ve seen little pieces of heaven and little pieces of hell
I’ve heard whispers of love and screams of hatred
I’ve seen love spoken to one and given to another
I’ve heard even breathing and then footsteps leaving

How hard it is to watch a life end,
How hard it is to watch a love grow cold,
How hard it is to listen to a heart-shattering cry,
How hard it is to bear witness to these images

And be unable to speak one word.
You will never hear from me.
My mouth is shut but my eyes and ears are forever open.
It’s a curse to be able to stand so tall, so straight, so strong

To bear the weight of the world
To hold the roof over the murder’s head and be unable to break
To shelter the demons of the world and separate the angels

I cannot tell you whom exactly I’ve seen.
I cannot tell you what exactly I’ve heard.

But if walls could talk

I would.

Every Falling Star Is A Waste Of Time

2009-03-01T20:56:00.000-06:00

She wanders through life
Wondering what destiny has in store
Will she ever escape
These prison walls of
Crumbling brick and rusting metal?
What would it take
For life to finally become bearable?
So she wishes upon
Every falling star
For a new dawn
For a new day
For a way out of this life
Where rough brick
And cold metal
Are but rumors
From a far off land.
She walks through life
Talking to no one
Saying nothing
Waiting for things to change
She's an enigma to everyone around
Living in the crumbling brick
And rusting metal
A freak show for all to see.

Walking the Divide

2009-03-01T20:34:00.001-06:00

Loneliness as deep as the darkest ocean
Laps at my soul and I can only watch.
I stare with glazed eyes as it eats away
Piece by piece,
Soon I will be left with nothing.

Deep within this self-destructive whirlwind
You appear bearing only a heart full of love.
I stare with glazed eyes as you put me back together
Piece by piece
Soon I will be back to normal.

With only one effervescent shard left missing
You look over your shoulder to see a ghost from your past,
I stare with glazed eyes as you walk away
Step by step
Now I am left with nothing.

Returning to the deepest, darkest ocean
Deep within the self-destructive whirlwind
I stare with glazed eyes at nothing in particular
Step by step
I approach the line where life and death meet

Step by step
I walk the divide, holding on to myself
Trying to keep what is left of my soul intact.
Piece by piece
I feel it fuse back together leaving an ever-enduring scar.

Nearly back to life again
I can see the brilliant light just over the horizon.
I know I can make it without you, this time.
Step by step
Piece by Piece
I will be complete again.

I Feel Like A Falling Star

2009-02-22T19:17:00.000-06:00

”I feel like a falling star,” I say and you give me that look.
It is that look that tears my heart to pieces.
It is that look that makes my knees go weak.
I know you are only listening to placate me.
I know my musings in the dark amuse you.
I watch as people drift away returning to their homes and
I watch as you watch me.
“I feel like a falling star,” I say again and look up into the sky.
“And I’ve finally fallen into place next to another in a lovely constellation.
Where we will sparkle in the heavens for eternity.”
I watch as you watch me give you that look.
I watch as that look tears your heart to pieces.
I know it’s that look that makes your knees go weak.
I know you are listening to every word I say now.
“I have waited years for a falling star,” You say and look into my eyes.
“And I’ve finally found you, sitting next to me, my lovely constellation.
Where we will sparkle in the heavens for eternity.”
We watch as people drift away, returning to their homes and
As the Ferris wheel ride comes to a stop and the magic fades
We to return to our homes, knowing that
You only listen to my musings to placate me

Where Mine Once Met

2009-02-22T19:15:00.001-06:00

Before me
A picture of you
Forever frozen
In black and White.
---
Downcast eyes
Hide the heartbroken
Secrets of your soul.
---
Half of a smile
Rests on the lips
Where mine once met.
But never again.

When Did Your Heart Go Missing?

2009-02-22T19:13:00.000-06:00

This pulsing organ
Below my neck screams
From the havoc you have brought
Upon it.

It’s cry, like a rainstorm,
Attacks my every sense,
Howling like the wind,
Beating against the windows of my soul
Until I can only taste the
Metallic copper of insidious lies
Until I can only see the
Mere shadow of what was once
life, love, and beauty
Until it is all I hear

And yet you go about
Day to day
Smiling that smile that
Masks the villainous monster.
Throw around words meant
To ensnare and hypnotize
And yet you take no notice
Of the incessant pleas
Sounding all through the night
Betraying my broken heart of hearts

Because in order to feel another’s heart
You must have one of your own.

She & I

2009-02-22T19:12:00.000-06:00

She looked up into the dark and empty sky.
All that she felt was guarded by her eyes.
She walked among the living, yet separate from their lives.
She wasn’t one of them. She had too many secrets, too many lies.
She would love to be a painting, silently adored.
Instead she was a shadow, loudly ignored.
She went along seemingly serene in every way.
Instead, she was burning from the things she’ll never say.
She didn’t care that what was left of her heart threatened to succumb to her woes.
Instead, she stared at the thorns, oblivious to the rose.
She looked into the mirror and saw the reflection,
Of a girl who’d been thrown away, had lost the connection.
Then and there, her fortress of withheld emotions began to collapse.
She picked herself up, if she didn’t, she would immediately relapse.
I looked up into the vast and laden sky,
All I felt inside was reflected in my eyes.

Can't Make It On My Own

2009-02-22T19:10:00.000-06:00

I can’t make it on my own.
My heart is in too many pieces.
I will wait for you,
But I can’t wait forever.
Right now,
If I were drowning
I doubt,
I would even kick to the surface.
I can’t make it on my own.
My life is running out too quickly.
I’ll wait for you,
But I won’t wait forever.
Waiting Patiently
For the next time I may see your face.
But, only in my dreams,
Are you aware of me standing next to you.
Turn around
Look me in the eyes
Say you can’t make it on your own.

Unwelcome Feeling

2009-02-22T19:09:00.000-06:00

sometimes you can't help it
the feeling washes over you,
just as unwelcome as the last time
it waits there-inside you
for the perfect time
the perfect time- when you're not looking
it plays unfair
kicking you in the gut when you're already down
you'll learn to live with it
in time.
everything has it's time.
and you wait for this time to be over.
it gives in.
if only for a moment
letting you live again.
until the next time
and the time after that
until it swallows you whole
until you've got nothing left to give.

Whispers

2009-02-22T19:08:00.000-06:00

I heard you last night
when you thought I was asleep
And let me tell you,
I love you never sounded so sweet.
Woke up again
To find it was merely a dream
A wish, a hope
From somewhere inside of me

Orchestrated Insanity

2009-02-22T19:06:00.000-06:00

Kiss me good bye cause-
I don't think we'll both make it out alive
So This is the last you'll hear of me
Don't try to stop me when I pack up and leave
Sure, it was fun while it lasted
But now we've reached our bitter end
And we must go our separate ways
I refuse to become one of those sad clichés
at first it was laced fingers
and midnight kisses
and being together forever
and saying i love you every five minutes
But now that's all over
When tomorrow comes the only thing
left of me will be the memories
I'll be on my way, trying to be free;
to survive life through orchestrated insanity.

Lost

2009-02-22T19:05:00.000-06:00

Lost in my soul
Lost in this dark abyss of confusion
lost in the complicated lives we lead
lost in loneliness, suffering, and sorrow
will i find the light?
in this never ending night?
is there one to find?
or is my search forever endless
just as the rising sun is
but a dream

Ashes and Dust

2009-02-22T19:04:00.002-06:00

Fire burns in the night
Ignited by hatred and lies
Kept alive by the blackened
Souls wandering the earth
Watch as the white blue flames
Lick the heartless shadows
All consuming
Until naught is left but
That which it came
Ashes and dust
The rain comes now
The omnipresent clouds
Drifting through
Bringing unshed tears of
The blackened souls
Washing away
Ashes and dust

The Hardest Part

2009-02-22T19:04:00.001-06:00

When you left
My whole identity
Was shattered
I was no longer alive
The pain
Not enough to kill
Not so little
To let me live
Until now
I ever knew
The pain
Of losing something
I never had
The hardest part
Of hanging on to you
Is letting go
Don’t worry
I’ll move on
In time
Already
My heart won’t
Let me whisper
The thought of
You coming back

Total Opposites

2009-02-22T19:03:00.001-06:00

I’d like to see you try
And make believe
That for one second
You are free
I’d like to see you try
And see that
We are total opposites
Who aren’t so different
And by saying
Goodbye to me
You are saying
Hello
To no one

Today

2009-02-22T19:02:00.000-06:00

Today
Your heart was torn
Stepped on
Shattered
Today was here
It has come and gone
And so has he.
Maybe not
Tomorrow
Or the next day
Or the one after
But, like a million
Other broken hearts
Yours too will heal
Given time

Love is

2009-02-22T19:00:00.000-06:00

Love is
Dark howling wind
Whirring and threatening
Commanding its power
Bringing down trees
Unveiling fears
Unmasking lies
Unbridled hate
Carried in the air
Choking you with
Every breath you take.

This Winter

2009-02-22T18:59:00.001-06:00

I won’t cry anymore
But deep down inside
I’m broken
Everything’s dying outside
With the oncoming winter
Everything’s dead inside
With this eternal depression
The winter descending upon us
Bringing endless nights alone
And something tells me
This winter
Will never end

Everyday

2009-02-22T18:57:00.000-06:00

Everyday I wake up
Without you by my side
Everyday I remember
How everything used to be

Your smile seems to have
Faded from my sight
And no longer do
Your eyes hold such captivating light
No, not when you look at me
Only for her
The reason you left

I’m left in the dark
Alone and cold
The clouds are always
Threatening to flood
The streets of this world
I’m lost in.
I can’t help but wonder

Does she know you’re my
Light in this never ending
Night?
That you bring the morning
To me and end these bad dreams

Imagined

2009-02-22T18:55:00.000-06:00

The moon is calling to me
Telling me to sleep
But I lie awake
Thinking how impossible that is
Without you by my side

I think I’m losing my mind
As I lie in bed awaiting sleep
The sound of your voice keeps
Drifting back to me

A whisper in my ear
A kiss on my cheek
Imagined.

That Kiss

2009-02-22T18:54:00.000-06:00

That kiss,
that whole moment,
hasn't left me yet.
I think about it,
I think about you,
and I think about doing it again
Doing it all again.
Tell me I'm not making a mistake
Tell me that you're worth this wait
That you're always going to be here
Help me believe I'm making the right decision
by still holding on
Show me that you're going to be around
And be there
To catch me when I fall

Five, four, three, two, one--
Breathe in deeply
Look you in the eyes
This is it
This is the moment
That matters

Honeyed Kisses

2009-02-22T18:52:00.001-06:00

Oh how I yearn
For one second of
Sweet nothingness
Only your arms
Enveloping me
Strong, unyielding
Protecting
Absorbing every ache
Every pain of my heart

Oh how I Ache
To see the eyes
That captured my heart
So long ago
Burning for me
Bright, craving
Longing
Inciting every passion
Every desire of my blood

Oh how I hunger
How I thirst
For your time
For any time
With you alone
With me
Yearning, aching
Together.

Together we will
Yearn, Ache
Hunger, thirst
To give ourselves
Over to the sweet
Oblivion that is
Honeyed kisses

Still Alive

2009-02-22T18:51:00.000-06:00

The methodic beeping of the monitor beside me
Morphs into one steady tone
Marking the detonation of my heart.
Doctors and nurses run toward me
I’ve flat lined.
And yet the pain doesn’t end.
They all look to me
Their expressions astounded.
At the moment I’m feeling anything but.
The pain spreads out from the center of my being
And melts the bone and marrow that make up me.
It dissolves my spirit and burns through my soul but,
I’ll embrace this heartache with open arms
Because at least if I can feel the pain
I know I’m still alive.

Just Being

2009-02-22T18:46:00.001-06:00

I’m sitting outside
Under the vast array of stars
Thinking, wondering,
Worrying, wanting,
Just being.
And finally realizing
That it may not ever make sense
But I’ll wait
For you
For me
For the rising sun
With all the answers

Falling Stars

2009-02-22T18:44:00.001-06:00

Tonight the stars are falling
Tonight the end is calling
Each twinkle cast down from the sky
Each tear shed from her eye

One after another they slide down her face
Leaving her with a puddle of tears and her fallen grace
If these stars don't stop falling her soul will be bare
But, she cannot seem to find the energy to care.

There goes another one, gone without a fight
This last tiny star had no choice. It left, dimmed out of sight.
The now starless night screams in rage at the goddess out of control
It does not care that her soul was left exposed, rendering her no longer whole.

Tomorrow there will be no stars left to fall
They are all lying at her feet, too shattered to shine at all.

It's Own Rhythm

2009-02-22T18:39:00.001-06:00

You tell me the sky is blue and I am supposed to believe you
That the grass is green and birds are meant to fly not swim
You tell me I should try to be like every one else,
Forget my never-ending questions and nod as if I understand.
Stop dreaming and get in line for my preordained future.
Stop wishing on every falling star and looking for things that were never there.
Leash my imagination and send creativity to the kennel.
Don’t waste time with impractical fairy tales and happy endings.
Do not expect me to conform on the surface but live my own life in secret.
It’s time for you to understand.
You cannot control the universe. It will not obey.
You cannot expect the world to conform to one who’s own heart does not obey.
Even as you attempt to set everyone in an assimilation line
Your own heart beats to it’s own rhythm.
You talk as if everything is written in stone
But even stone can be washed away by water
Given time.