Sunday, February 22, 2009

I Feel Like A Falling Star

ferris wheel and tree black and white Pictures, Images and Photos

”I feel like a falling star,” I say and you give me that look.
It is that look that tears my heart to pieces.
It is that look that makes my knees go weak.
I know you are only listening to placate me.
I know my musings in the dark amuse you.
I watch as people drift away returning to their homes and
I watch as you watch me.
“I feel like a falling star,” I say again and look up into the sky.
“And I’ve finally fallen into place next to another in a lovely constellation.
Where we will sparkle in the heavens for eternity.”
I watch as you watch me give you that look.
I watch as that look tears your heart to pieces.
I know it’s that look that makes your knees go weak.
I know you are listening to every word I say now.
“I have waited years for a falling star,” You say and look into my eyes.
“And I’ve finally found you, sitting next to me, my lovely constellation.
Where we will sparkle in the heavens for eternity.”
We watch as people drift away, returning to their homes and
As the Ferris wheel ride comes to a stop and the magic fades
We to return to our homes, knowing that
You only listen to my musings to placate me

Where Mine Once Met

Before me
A picture of you
Forever frozen
In black and White.
---
Downcast eyes
Hide the heartbroken
Secrets of your soul.
---
Half of a smile
Rests on the lips
Where mine once met.
But never again.

When Did Your Heart Go Missing?

This pulsing organ
Below my neck screams
From the havoc you have brought
Upon it.

It’s cry, like a rainstorm,
Attacks my every sense,
Howling like the wind,
Beating against the windows of my soul
Until I can only taste the
Metallic copper of insidious lies
Until I can only see the
Mere shadow of what was once
life, love, and beauty
Until it is all I hear

And yet you go about
Day to day
Smiling that smile that
Masks the villainous monster.
Throw around words meant
To ensnare and hypnotize
And yet you take no notice
Of the incessant pleas
Sounding all through the night
Betraying my broken heart of hearts

Because in order to feel another’s heart
You must have one of your own.

She & I

She looked up into the dark and empty sky.
All that she felt was guarded by her eyes.
She walked among the living, yet separate from their lives.
She wasn’t one of them. She had too many secrets, too many lies.
She would love to be a painting, silently adored.
Instead she was a shadow, loudly ignored.
She went along seemingly serene in every way.
Instead, she was burning from the things she’ll never say.
She didn’t care that what was left of her heart threatened to succumb to her woes.
Instead, she stared at the thorns, oblivious to the rose.
She looked into the mirror and saw the reflection,
Of a girl who’d been thrown away, had lost the connection.
Then and there, her fortress of withheld emotions began to collapse.
She picked herself up, if she didn’t, she would immediately relapse.
I looked up into the vast and laden sky,
All I felt inside was reflected in my eyes.

Can't Make It On My Own

I can’t make it on my own.
My heart is in too many pieces.
I will wait for you,
But I can’t wait forever.
Right now,
If I were drowning
I doubt,
I would even kick to the surface.
I can’t make it on my own.
My life is running out too quickly.
I’ll wait for you,
But I won’t wait forever.
Waiting Patiently
For the next time I may see your face.
But, only in my dreams,
Are you aware of me standing next to you.
Turn around
Look me in the eyes
Say you can’t make it on your own.

Unwelcome Feeling

sometimes you can't help it
the feeling washes over you,
just as unwelcome as the last time
it waits there-inside you
for the perfect time
the perfect time- when you're not looking
it plays unfair
kicking you in the gut when you're already down
you'll learn to live with it
in time.
everything has it's time.
and you wait for this time to be over.
it gives in.
if only for a moment
letting you live again.
until the next time
and the time after that
until it swallows you whole
until you've got nothing left to give.

Whispers

I heard you last night
when you thought I was asleep
And let me tell you,
I love you never sounded so sweet.
Woke up again
To find it was merely a dream
A wish, a hope
From somewhere inside of me

Orchestrated Insanity

Kiss me good bye cause-
I don't think we'll both make it out alive
So This is the last you'll hear of me
Don't try to stop me when I pack up and leave
Sure, it was fun while it lasted
But now we've reached our bitter end
And we must go our separate ways
I refuse to become one of those sad clich├ęs
at first it was laced fingers
and midnight kisses
and being together forever
and saying i love you every five minutes
But now that's all over
When tomorrow comes the only thing
left of me will be the memories
I'll be on my way, trying to be free;
to survive life through orchestrated insanity.

Lost

Lost in my soul
Lost in this dark abyss of confusion
lost in the complicated lives we lead
lost in loneliness, suffering, and sorrow
will i find the light?
in this never ending night?
is there one to find?
or is my search forever endless
just as the rising sun is
but a dream

Ashes and Dust

Fire burns in the night
Ignited by hatred and lies
Kept alive by the blackened
Souls wandering the earth
Watch as the white blue flames
Lick the heartless shadows
All consuming
Until naught is left but
That which it came
Ashes and dust
The rain comes now
The omnipresent clouds
Drifting through
Bringing unshed tears of
The blackened souls
Washing away
Ashes and dust

The Hardest Part

When you left
My whole identity
Was shattered
I was no longer alive
The pain
Not enough to kill
Not so little
To let me live
Until now
I ever knew
The pain
Of losing something
I never had
The hardest part
Of hanging on to you
Is letting go
Don’t worry
I’ll move on
In time
Already
My heart won’t
Let me whisper
The thought of
You coming back

Total Opposites

I’d like to see you try
And make believe
That for one second
You are free
I’d like to see you try
And see that
We are total opposites
Who aren’t so different
And by saying
Goodbye to me
You are saying
Hello
To no one

Today

Today
Your heart was torn
Stepped on
Shattered
Today was here
It has come and gone
And so has he.
Maybe not
Tomorrow
Or the next day
Or the one after
But, like a million
Other broken hearts
Yours too will heal
Given time

Love is

Love is
Dark howling wind
Whirring and threatening
Commanding its power
Bringing down trees
Unveiling fears
Unmasking lies
Unbridled hate
Carried in the air
Choking you with
Every breath you take.

This Winter

I won’t cry anymore
But deep down inside
I’m broken
Everything’s dying outside
With the oncoming winter
Everything’s dead inside
With this eternal depression
The winter descending upon us
Bringing endless nights alone
And something tells me
This winter
Will never end

Everyday

Everyday I wake up
Without you by my side
Everyday I remember
How everything used to be

Your smile seems to have
Faded from my sight
And no longer do
Your eyes hold such captivating light
No, not when you look at me
Only for her
The reason you left

I’m left in the dark
Alone and cold
The clouds are always
Threatening to flood
The streets of this world
I’m lost in.
I can’t help but wonder

Does she know you’re my
Light in this never ending
Night?
That you bring the morning
To me and end these bad dreams

Imagined

The moon is calling to me
Telling me to sleep
But I lie awake
Thinking how impossible that is
Without you by my side

I think I’m losing my mind
As I lie in bed awaiting sleep
The sound of your voice keeps
Drifting back to me

A whisper in my ear
A kiss on my cheek
Imagined.

That Kiss

That kiss,
that whole moment,
hasn't left me yet.
I think about it,
I think about you,
and I think about doing it again
Doing it all again.
Tell me I'm not making a mistake
Tell me that you're worth this wait
That you're always going to be here
Help me believe I'm making the right decision
by still holding on
Show me that you're going to be around
And be there
To catch me when I fall

Five, four, three, two, one--
Breathe in deeply
Look you in the eyes
This is it
This is the moment
That matters

Honeyed Kisses

Oh how I yearn
For one second of
Sweet nothingness
Only your arms
Enveloping me
Strong, unyielding
Protecting
Absorbing every ache
Every pain of my heart

Oh how I Ache
To see the eyes
That captured my heart
So long ago
Burning for me
Bright, craving
Longing
Inciting every passion
Every desire of my blood

Oh how I hunger
How I thirst
For your time
For any time
With you alone
With me
Yearning, aching
Together.

Together we will
Yearn, Ache
Hunger, thirst
To give ourselves
Over to the sweet
Oblivion that is
Honeyed kisses

Still Alive



The methodic beeping of the monitor beside me
Morphs into one steady tone
Marking the detonation of my heart.
Doctors and nurses run toward me
I’ve flat lined.
And yet the pain doesn’t end.
They all look to me
Their expressions astounded.
At the moment I’m feeling anything but.
The pain spreads out from the center of my being
And melts the bone and marrow that make up me.
It dissolves my spirit and burns through my soul but,
I’ll embrace this heartache with open arms
Because at least if I can feel the pain
I know I’m still alive.

Just Being

I’m sitting outside
Under the vast array of stars
Thinking, wondering,
Worrying, wanting,
Just being.
And finally realizing
That it may not ever make sense
But I’ll wait
For you
For me
For the rising sun
With all the answers

Falling Stars

Tonight the stars are falling
Tonight the end is calling
Each twinkle cast down from the sky
Each tear shed from her eye

One after another they slide down her face
Leaving her with a puddle of tears and her fallen grace
If these stars don't stop falling her soul will be bare
But, she cannot seem to find the energy to care.

There goes another one, gone without a fight
This last tiny star had no choice. It left, dimmed out of sight.
The now starless night screams in rage at the goddess out of control
It does not care that her soul was left exposed, rendering her no longer whole.

Tomorrow there will be no stars left to fall
They are all lying at her feet, too shattered to shine at all.

It's Own Rhythm

You tell me the sky is blue and I am supposed to believe you
That the grass is green and birds are meant to fly not swim
You tell me I should try to be like every one else,
Forget my never-ending questions and nod as if I understand.
Stop dreaming and get in line for my preordained future.
Stop wishing on every falling star and looking for things that were never there.
Leash my imagination and send creativity to the kennel.
Don’t waste time with impractical fairy tales and happy endings.
Do not expect me to conform on the surface but live my own life in secret.
It’s time for you to understand.
You cannot control the universe. It will not obey.
You cannot expect the world to conform to one who’s own heart does not obey.
Even as you attempt to set everyone in an assimilation line
Your own heart beats to it’s own rhythm.
You talk as if everything is written in stone
But even stone can be washed away by water
Given time.